Nightmares

As a child, I always seemed to have really exciting nightmares in which fantastical creatures would attack me and I would try (and fail) to escape. I remember explicitly the content of the majority of these nightmares, and for a while, I was convinced of the fact that I had night terrors. I actually just wanted to have night terrors, because to be honest, it sounds awesome.

"O no, I don't just have nightmares. I have night terrors. I thrash uncontrollably in my sleep, and I wake up screaming. Jealous?"

Although, at this point in my life, I am absolutely sure that not a single person  would be jealous of night terrors.

Anyway, as of late, my brain has decided to play some tricks on my dream sequence. Instead of having awesome nightmares of wax figurines coming to life in a museum of death or falling into a grave, I am now having what I will refer to as mundane nightmares.

A mundane nightmare is when something arbitrary happens in a dream that really would not matter in your waking hours. However, in this dream, your life shuts down when this event occurs. I am the only person that I know that has this strange nightmare.

My latest nightmare consisted of me running out of checks. Now, in real life, running out of checks absolutely does not matter. In the least. Like this is absolutely the farthest you can get from a big deal. But for some reason in my dream, I was freaking out.

I WENT CRAZY.

I found that I had come to the last check in my checkbook, and my dream self COULD NOT HANDLE IT. I just didn't understand how I could let this happen.

My dream thought processes:

"O, look I'm at the last check in my checkbook. Wait, what? I don't have anymore checks. How am I supposed to pay my bills and my rent? I'm going to have to order more checks. That's going to take two weeks for them to be delivered. Wait, in two weeks, these bills will be past due. (Normal brain patterns stop here.) If I don't pay my bills on time, I AM GOING TO DIE. I will be thrown on the streets and I will die of starvation. I AM HOMELESS AND HUNGRY.

THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN!"

I am absolutely sure that I was thrashing in my sleep, terrified of my checkless life. What would I ever do?

Well, to say the least, I woke up in a cold sweat. I'm pretty sure I was actually panting in exacerbation. The dream seemed so real. And embarrassingly enough, I ran to check that I still had checks.

I still have half a book of checks. I win this time dream Marty.

Other mundane nightmare topics include a shirt not being ironed for work, your room being dirty, bad cellular phone reception, etc. The thought processes are exactly the same, with the ending realization that this minor problem will cause your imminent death.

Sweet dreams? Also, how fitting that I am writing about nightmares that actually leave me sleepless in Oakbrook Terrace. I think so.

Tweet. Tweeeeeeeet.

Sleepless in Oakbrook Terrace has officially breached other social media in the form of Twitter. Now you can get minor updates in the time between posts. So far Twitter has proven to be a rousing success. #obscureblog. I'm going to be famous by the end of this year if it actually kills me. I mean, postmortem blog posts could be as big as deceased Tupac's last five albums.

Also, I will be posting from now on once a week to give you something to look forward to on your bland Sunday morning.

The Year of Martifest Destiny

So after some fateful occurrences of this new year, I am making this the year of Marty. It's all about me this year, which means that others need to step aside and stop stealing my shine. I still have some swagger from my college years that I'm going to use to my full advantage. Basically, don't rain (unless it's dollars) on my parade. If it is dollars, please make it rain.

So I am coining a new phrase: Martifest Destiny (which could coincidentally also be my drag name).


A brief history lesson

Manifest Destiny - The notion that God's divine power called the United States to expand from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean.

Much like the above concept, I'm pretty sure God's divinity is working in my favor in 2011. I mean it's been bumpy so far, but I have some good karma my way. My blog much like a war on either Mexico or Native American populations will sweep the nation from coast to coast. Hopefully, with less bloodshed, but I will not make any promises. And that my friends is the notion of Martifest Destini.

I'm pretty sure that this will be taught in history classes around the globe in about fifty to one hundred years. People will wonder where the fabulous name came from, as by this time Manifest Destiny will have been forgotten. Also forgotten will be the writer's block that I have had for virtually a month.

Welcome to my year. I'm funnier than ever. Deal with it.