Let me paint you a quick picture: a young, fresh-faced gay male graduates from the University of Illinois with the future in front of him and no limitations in sight. Sure, he had suffered a bit of rejection, but nothing was going to keep him down. The enthusiasm and optimism surrounding him is palpable.
This person is me nine months ago, and he is an IDIOT.
The life undergraduate is a surreal experience soaked in sexual innuendo and alcohol. You graduate with a false sense of superiority, thinking that the world is your oyster. Little do you know that oyster is just waiting to clamp shut on your tiny little torso at any moment. Damn you oyster for tempting me with your stylish pearls.
Luckily, the skills you gain throughout your college career are extremely useful. FALSE. I’m sorry, but knowing how to hook up with three people in the same evening, control your black outs as to appear not blacked out, and dominate at drinking games will not be useful in your adult life. Well, at least not your professional adult life. I’m sorry I party?
So, seeing as I entered the real world without legitimate skills I ultimately screwed myself into a gap year: a year during which you work for the man at minimum wage. I could no longer work at my retail job with the sense of superiority I once had. I couldn’t say to people, “Oh, this is just my side gig while I finish up school. Look how self important and better than this I am.” I was officially a retail gay and turning more into a stereotype than I ever cared to be.
Seeing as I was working for a pittance, I also had to take a second job as a hotel heiress, meaning I work the night audit every other weekend at a hotel. Do not ask me why I thought it was a good idea to work on the weekends overnight. This is a terrible idea. Like the worst ever. Under no circumstance should this be done or even considered.
Now, this wouldn’t be too terrible, except for the hours of BOTH of my jobs (which scarily almost turned into careers) are awful. I work in retail from 5am ‘til 2pm every weekday and then at the hotel from 11pm ‘til 7 am on weekends. I basically have just kissed my Circadian rhythm goodbye. I miss it, and I treat it as “the one that got away.” On the weekends, I sometimes forget what time it is appropriate to brush my teeth and wash my face. Thank goodness that this has only increased my rugged good looks and charm…
Now, if the gap year teaches you anything, it’s how much your life can blow. During the holiday season, I worked sixty + hour weeks. I did not see my friends or family, and I basically worked or slept through every holiday (both official and drinking) of this past calendar year. And don't worry, this menial labor isn't too demeaning when you graduated cum laude from a top school with a degree in molecular and cellular biology.
Throw in an ill fated relationship with the craigslist killer and some auto troubles, you have me riding my bicycle to work every morning at 5am with a little bit of emotional damage (cue Damaged by Danity Kane). That gap year can really kick you when you are down my friends.
But don’t worry, this story has a happy ending. I have just recently been accepted to graduate school. The gap year has an end in sight, a light at the end of the tunnel. The most satisfying part of this will definitely be leaving both of my jobs, especially since we are coming on the busy season in the hotel. Ultimate gratification for real.
This guy is going back to college a little older and a lot wiser.
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