Sickness: A Survival Guide

Place: Lincoln Park

Operation: The Apartment

Things you should know before venturing out with medical school students*:

1) These individuals are interesting studies. They obviously have experience with drinking, but have seemingly forgotten how to consume alcohol of any sort.

2) Binge drinking is mandatory.

3) The old adage quality over quantity holds true for nights out but not for liquors consumed.

4) At least one person will vomit at the pregame.

5) Another will vomit at the bar.

6) You will hear the phrase, "I'm so drunk" at least five times (most likely from the individual who appears the least drunk).

7) And finally, you will definitely hear about alcohol dehydrogenase or antidiuretic hormone. As well as the subject of their last test.

8) You are the most sober. Accept it now.

*Upon review most of these points have similarities to both high school and college drinking. Duly noted.

Basically, the true comedy in this night arises at the bar. I being a casual observer of those around me happen to notice a girl who is scantily clad in a cutout dress. 

The cutouts were in the following places: Breasts, stomach, arms, and back. If your imagination can wrap around the concept of nudity you basically have the dress correctly categorized.

Well, I thought it would be funny to ask this young woman for a proper dance. At first, I questioned myself (My pulse was racing and my palms were sweaty. I have never been that nervous to approach a girl. Eeek.), but then I thought, "What the heck? I have this whole female interact thing in the bag." Little did I know, little did I know.

I saunter over gallantly looking pretty good if I may say so myself. I ask the girl, "Hey, do you want to dance with this?" making an obviously exaggerated dance maneuver. 

At first, I cannot hear her reply so I ask her to repeat herself. 

She slowly lifts her finger to my face, and says a simple two syllable word: "Sickness."

WHAT. THE. HELL?

I have no idea how to react to this scenario. Is there a protocol? So I just say, "I mean, well, if you, ah, change your mind, ah, I'll be over there."

So suave.

After this brilliant interaction, she proceeds to have a photoshoot with her Snooki-esque friend in the mirror at the entry way to the bar.

Men literally could not get further away from the spectacle...Ultimate embarrassment commences.

And that is how I got rejected by the anti-siren of Lincoln Park.