Emergency Lights Give You Magical Powers

After moving to the real suburbs, I have discovered that the overuse of emergency lights is a plague on this nation.The automotive power they wield is unparalleled. A path will open in gridlock traffic like the Red Sea to Moses' staff, and I have come to the realization that some individuals abuse this privilege - this emergency privilege. *This statement was typed in a state of utter disgust*

Apparently, by turning on these vehicular lights, you can do anything that you would like - no matter how illegal it may be. Examples include:

Hey, only authorized vehicles can make a u-turn at this location. Let me just flip on my emergency lights - that way I become an authorized vehicle!

O, I have to walk a long distance in order to get into the grocery store. Looks like this is an emergency situation for my tired feet. I'll just turn on my emergency lights, and quadruple park in a handicapped zone!

I have been sitting at this red light for over fifty seconds. I have places to be - emergency lights!

I'm one hundred percent sure that any type of vehicular based crime can be pardoned if emergency lights are in use at the time the crime is committed. The possibilities literally become endless, from basic traffic violations all the way up to murder. Right now, I am imagining an individual on trial for murder pleading emergency lights . "Sorry judge, I was mad with power and blood lust from turning on my emergency lights. Next time, it probably won't happen."

Everything about emergency lights inspires ideas of wizardry and witchcraft. I mean, at the Salem witch trial, emergency lights totally would have been burned at the stake for the supernatural power they wield. Nothing can stop them. They are the invisibility cloke of the non-fiction based world, literally hiding any individual from law enforcement representatives.

I remember the days of driver's ed when I was frightened into utilizing these mysterious lights only for actual emergencies. I even get antsy when they are activated, and there is actually a situation that warrants it. My palms start sweating. I literally have to talk myself down. "You deserve to use them. It's your prerogative." I CANNOT HANDLE THE PRESSURE OF THE EMERGENCY LIGHTS. I just can't.

As I have a nervous breakdown in the face of such power and responsibility, others simply abuse this sacred rite. It must be stopped. Without the rules of the road, we are simply savages careening down a treacherous path - like the Lord of the Flies with autos. I refuse to give in to these lax road rules.

Therefore, I am starting a campaign for the reduced use of emergency lights in 2011. You can support this effort simply by putting individuals who use emergency lights inappropriately into emergency situations. I fully embrace high speed chases and the utilization of guns, and I hope to see this implemented in the near future.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.