Battle of the Blade

In a constant battle with personal hygiene that we all face everyday, I have met my match. Shaving for some reason has become my vice. I don't enjoy doing it. I never have, and I never will.  I think this is because of the process that it entails. You have to wash your face. You have to shave your face. You have to moisturize your face. I'm getting exasperated just thinking about it. Sometimes I wish I could just stop in the middle of the endeavor, but alas, I would most likely be left with a Hitler 'stash and accosted for being a member of his youth brigade. I imagine that ladies have the same issues with shaving their legs without the Nazi associations of course.

Therefore, I have included a list of professions that would require me to never shave again and the reasons why they would never work:

Lumberjack

I think this career path would involve a woodland lifestyle that does not become my current plans. In other words, how many argyle sweaters can I bring to the woods before it's too many?

Paper towel endorsement model

Unfortunately, I'm not muscular enough to carry the Brawny name on my shoulders. This is especially detrimental to them because of my chiseled jaw and George Clooney good looks.

Hermit

Although this career path would leave me plenty of time to blog, I just don't think it would be as good without my awkward social interactions. My best friend rock and friction though would get a lot of blog time.

Anyone in the 1970's

Sorry guys, we are officially in the Willenium. Will Smith is now god, and Wild Wild West is my Bible.

Anyone in the current porn industry

Gross.

Cartoon villian - facial hair would have to be more stylized than unshaven

Who am I kidding? Being a cartoon villian would be pretty sweet. Although I would be constantly bumbling in comparison to my heroic counterpart.

Criminal/Convict

I'm far too dainty to maintain myself in a jail house setting. Unless it was some form of musical version like Jail House Rock, but then again, those guys all looked pretty put together.

Fugitive

Harrison Ford, anyone? I imagine that being a fugitive would be like participating in the game show the Mole. I would slowly be driven insane by the fear that everyone is out to get me, and I guess they kind of would be. Yikes.

Unibomber

Sorry, already been there and done that.

Messiah

The second coming is upon us. I think I'm more of a soapbox all-star than a Messiah though.

Documentary film maker

I think that besides unkempt facial hair this career also requires you to be obese and to be hated by all people.

Cast away

I would miss my blog and my raving fans in Croatia, Canada, and South Africa too much. Also, I am not going to follow in Tom Hanks' footsteps especially after his creepy likenesses in the Polar Express.

Survivor contestant


I'm not crafty or useful enough to actually make it to the point wear I would grow obscene amounts of facial hair.

Pedophile


Not really a profession, more of a hobby. Yet again, gross.


*In looking up more professions where you never have to shave the most popular google search is profession where you might be bitten by a dog.* - This search was fruitless. FYI.

But in case you were wondering the following careers may involve a series of dog bites.

And the top four responses in a survey of one hundred people are

Family Feud Top Four Answers

1. MAIL MAN
2. VET
3. DOG CATCHER
4. POLICE OFFICER

It looks like I will have to fight another day with my razor until one of us loses the epic battle of skin vs. blade. Damn you personal hygiene! You win again!